Friday 20 July 2007

Friday 20/07/07

Today I got over myself and looked some analysis on my blog traffic and I find out the following.
The top 20 cities I get the most traffic from are.
1. London (7 hits, but maybe that's cos i checked it 6 times myself)
2. Los Angeles (2 hits)
3. Beijing (1 hit)
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Well, at least some people have read it.
I will become more popular. I just know it.

Thursday 19 July 2007

Thursday 19/07/07

OMG...

I just vomited everywhere.

I have 1 song by ZZ Top and I have played it 22 times. Can you guess which one it is? (It's a body part I hate working out).
I have 2 songs by Rob Zombie and I have played them 0 times. I have no idea how they got onto my iPod.
I have 3 songs by Zig and Zag and I have played them 4,555 times.

Thursday 19/07/07

OMG...It's working!

I have eaten 12.5 cheesburgers this week so far, plus 3 rice dishes, and 4 chickens, and 7 milkshakes...and it really is working.
I am trying to load up on carbs.
Why, you ask?
Well, I just like the feeling. Makes me feel real nice.

Thursday 19/07/07

I have always been a pretty big guy.

But ever since I finished school at age 15, I started eating my feelings, and just started getting bigger and bigger. My parents suggested I go to the gym, so I started going 3 times a week, but have now cut down to one or two times.

When I came out in 2001, I started clubbing and instantly made friends with everyone, cos I am a really friendly guy. Everyone says that. I've even made friends with people who have abs. Not all of them are shallow. And on the one or two occasions that I get ignored, I just think of that great Whitney Houston song. The Greatest Love Of All ... is happening inside of me. And that's what matters.

Anyway, on the train to work today, I showed one of the girls I work with my tattoo. She had no idea who Jackie Collins is! She didn't like the scabs either. I travelled by myself on the way home, listening to The Greatest Love Of All over and over again.

Wednesday 18 July 2007

Wednesday 18/07/07

I am trying to think of songs that fit in the theme of my new inked body.
The best song I could come up with was that Sade one...

"You give me the sweetest tattoo
That's why I'm in love with you
You give me the sweetest tattoo
Sometimes I think you're just too good for me"

Anyway, I was singing it out loud at Tesco's today.
No, I am not a customer. I work there.
Anyway this hot guy whose Krispy Kreme's I was scanning said..."Um, that's not what she is singing."
Me : "What?"
KrispyKremeGuy: "She is singing The Sweetest Taboo".
Me: "Um, no. Wrong."
KrispyKremeGuy: "No, really. It IS Taboo. I am sure."

I ignored that and asked for his ClubCard.

Pity, he was hot.

I came home and looked it up on the interweb. And KrispyKremeGuy was right. Fuckityfuck.

Tuesday 17/07/07

OMG LOLZ...I got a tattoo.

Well, I've been thinking about it for like 20 minutes and while I was sitting at the gymnasium eating a cheeseburger I bought 20 minutes before, working on adding more fat to my rolls of fat, i decided to ask people what they thought of what I was going to get inked into the underside of my arm.
"Who Is Jackie Collins?", one of the personal trainers asked? The only book he has read is Boyz.
I asked the recptionist at my gym. "Oh Hollywood Wives is one of my favourite books ever! That one changed my life - for that summer I had in Mykonos anyway".
"Brave choice!" squealed my gym buddy, Gymbuddy (not his real name - his choice).

So... I downed a bottle of vodka, and went to the tattoo shop in Camden. It hurt. But I kinda liked the sting.

Now I have a tattoo that says JACKIE COLLINS on the underside of my arm. When I wobble it around, it kind of looks like...hmm...well a bunch of words wobbling on my white pasty skin.

I might post a pic when the scabs aren't bleeding anymore. It's been 3 days, and the blood won't stop coming.